Ok! I have to tell on my wife.
This is hilarious. Though I doubt words can paint the true picture. I’ll try anyway.
A little backstory…
Each weekend Michelle and I find a hiking trail in Colorado that is challenging. We love the adventure and the scenery is amazing.
Two weeks ago we hiked the Hieser Trail. When we got back to the SVU we ran into a lady who lives near the trailhead (entrance). She informed us that right after we hit the trail that morning a bear was meandering near the trail.
Michelle is pretty adventurous, but quite ‘excitable’ about wildlife. Especially the kind of wildlife that sees humans as prey.
That’s not my story, but I’m headed there.
The following week we hiked Blodgett Trail. It was the most challenging one we’ve done but the payoff at the top was worth it. When we made our way back down the trail we met a local who was telling us about seeing a couple of mountain lions in the area…AND that the week before someone was bitten by a rattlesnake and had to be airlifted out.
As you can imagine, my wife listened with great intensity.
She’s spookish anyway…but this put her skittishness in high gear.
Now to the story…
This afternoon we decided to hike an area we’ve hiked but went a different trail. Some of these places are like a maze of trails that intersect and weave through the mountains.
Anyway…after the reports from the two previous weeks, Michelle thought it would be best to walk in front of me (since mountain lions usually attack from the rear…she’s thoughtful like that!). We had walked for about 30 minutes…Michelle in front…when suddenly she hears/sees something moving in the brush in front of her.
That’s when things got crazy…crazy funny anyway.
Now when someone is startled…especially when they are startled with visions of mountain lions, rattlesnakes and bears racing through their mind…they blurt out things.
We all do it. Things just pop out of our mouth unfiltered.
Well…I could appreciate it if someone startled blurted out something like “Run!”
Or even “Oh no what’s that?”
I could even give them a pass if something slipped out that they usually don’t say. Something like a ‘Oh S&%$!
That’s not what my wife blurted out.
Now remember. She has visions of bears, mountain lions and rattlesnakes racing through her head.
So what does she do?
She turns and races into my arms and says…
Get ready. You’re not going to believe it.
And remember she’s skittish. Jumpy. A tad excitable in these situations. So…
She runs into me and blurts out…
“Tell me a joke!”
That’s right. With all the things that COULD HAVE come out of her mouth. She comes up with ‘Tell me a joke!’
I wasn’t sure how to respond.
Talk about pressure.
I’m struggling to figure out how to defend my wife from some monstrous predator AND come up with a great joke. Too. Much. Pressure.
Funny thing is…the only joke that came to my mind…was one about two men in the woods when they come upon a bear. Not sure it would have been received very well. Jokes have to have timing.
Seriously. As she’s standing next to me, clutching my arm and holding me tight, I asked…just for clarification…did you just blurt out ‘Tell me a joke!’
Yes. She said with no further explanation.
I guess if you’re about to face death at the hands…mouth…of a violent predator, at least go out with a smile.
I’ve done a lot of public speaking, but I don’t think my humor is enough to hold the attention of mountain lion as my wife gets away.
So now, each weekend as we get ready for our new adventures in Colorado…and as I pack our backpack with all the essentials for the day, I guess I’ll through in a latest copy of The Big Book Of Laugh Out Loud Jokes by Rob Elliott.
I only wish I knew what type humor works best for wildlife.